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Today.


It isn’t that there are days when I see the future clearly. But on some days I am comfortable with simply living in the present moment and letting the future be just that, the future. On some days, I am content with basking in uncertainty of the morrow, knowing that it is yet another reminder that I am not God, that to know what it holds is not my place. On some days, I am satisfied with the lack of clarity of where my path is leading; I am satisfied with focusing on ensuring that I do my best today and lean on God for the rest. On some days, I have faith that dawn will break on me as well, that some day, my heart will not be so afraid, that I will one day be content with where and whatever I am. On some days, I am okay with letting it all be what it is; I am okay with just being. But that day is not today. Today, I am afraid. The uncertainty petrifies me. Today, the future seems to me analogous with a dark alley into which I am strolling blindly. Today, I am low on faith. I am doubtful. Of myself. Of God. Today, I feel as though I am being dragged forward by obligation rather than desire to keep going. Because if it were truly desire, would I not be certain what is what? Would I not know where I am going? Today, the only thing I am certain of is that I haven’t really got a clue what I am doing here. Today, the vicissitudes of life scare me. The question of whether or not I am enough, whether or not I am doing enough lingers on in my mind. And the only comprehensive answer I can offer is, “I am trying my best.” And there will be days like this. Many perhaps. If you too feel this way today, it is not a thing specific to you. It is a human thing. It’s a battle to get through days like this. I know. And I hope that you and I make it through.


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